Kickass Love vs. War

A Veteran Family's Plea for Peace and Accountability

The Wish Tree is an interactive art installation by peace activist Yoko Ono and is a central part of exhibitions at the Nobel Peace Center in Oslo. Of course, I filled out a wish.

G.K. Chesterton wrote: “The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.”

I understand that profound, protective love on a cellular level. It’s the love that drove my 16-year-old grandfather to lie about his age to serve in WWI. It’s the love that later had my mother watching my grandmother pull out maps, deciphering a secret longitudinal code to track my grandfather across the South Pacific during WWII.

Generation after generation—from Vietnam Special Forces to Navy rescue swimmers to deployment to Afghanistan and more—my family’s service, fueled by this deep love, leaves an indelible trail. We are deeply blessed that our veterans returned safely. Yet, these personal connections give impetus to my plea: Stop the insanity of humanity against humanity: Sudan, Gaza, Cuba, Ukraine, Myanmar, and others. When global military spending hits a record $2.7 trillion—a public, thunderous budget of war—I find myself grasping for the quiet, kickass code of love against this tide.

The picture painted by global watchdogs is grim. UN Secretary-General António Guterres reports that in 2024, global military spending surged to a record $2.7 trillion—$334 for every person on earth. Not only is this spending unsustainable; it simply doesn’t guarantee peace. As Guterres stated, “Budgets are choices.”

That staggering $2.7 trillion is not merely a number; it’s the ultimate opportunity cost of a peaceful future.

According to the U.N., the very nature of war has changed. The 21st century is defined by a post-World War II high in the total number of active armed conflicts—complex civil and “internationalized” conflicts that are harder to stop. And after decades of decline, the human cost is rising again.

Imagine the seismic shift if we were brave enough to reroute just one-tenth of that budget— $270 billion. Imagine what a single, deliberate redirection could do. Again, from the U.N.:

• Fund Global Primary Education: Provide years of universal schooling for every child, investing in global stability and potential.

  
  

• Solve the Clean Water Crisis: Launch the massive infrastructure projects needed to bring safe drinking water to every community on earth.

  
  

• Drive Climate Resilience: Power essential research and implement major, life-saving adaptation projects in vulnerable nations.

  
  

The cost of war is absolute, but the return on investment for peace—fueled by kickass love—is infinite.

A year ago, on a trip to Oslo, my husband and I walked along the harbor and came across a nondescript greyish-white building. I was stunned when I read its sign: the Nobel Peace Center. I guess I just expected a grander building for such an impactful initiative. But then it occurred to me that peace doesn’t have to live in a large, military palace; it lives in simple, accessible actions.

The Nobel Peace Committee, in its subtle home, offers a counterpoint: role models of individuals whose lives demonstrate resistance, resilience, and realistic hope. The prizes are spotlights on the world-changing power of kickass love in action.

• Fighting Disinformation with Truth (2021): When journalists like Maria Ressa win, it’s a powerful statement that truth is a prelude to peace. The Nobel shines a light on the kickass love of clarity—the brave citizen who fact-checks a dangerous rumor and fosters open, honest dialogue. More than ever the times call for exercising daily critical thinking and courage to confront public-facing lies.

  
  

• Defeating Hunger with Investment (2020): By awarding the World Food Programme, the committee highlights the kickass love of provision. Every dollar spent on sustainable farming, food security, and community kitchens is an investment that immediately reduces the fuel for war—it literally feeds hope instead of fear.

  
  

• The Courage to Demand a Better Future (2024): The prize to Nihon Hidankyo, the atomic bomb survivors, represents the kickass love of legacy—the fierce determination of a generation that experienced the worst to ensure their grandchildren will not.

  
  

• The Unstoppable March of Justice (2025): The prize highlighting leaders like María Corina Machado affirms the kickass love of governance—the tireless work of citizens demanding transparent institutions. True security lies not in military might, but in a government accountable to its people.

  
  

These peacemakers—the journalists, the aid workers, the activists—also are our veterans. They choose to act from courageous love, and their choices prove that effective, human-centered security is possible for a fraction of the cost.

Today, on Veterans Day, I am grateful for the parades and the moment of silence many will observe at 11:00 a.m., recalling the World War I armistice—the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, ending the “War to End All Wars,”—sadly a pretty hollow phrase.

But honoring our veterans—my grandfather, my father, my brother, my brother-in-law, my son-in-law, my nephews, my husband—demands more than remembrance. To choose peace, shouldn’t we ask if the staggering $2.7 trillion choice is truly protecting what they loved? What we love?

Wouldn’t it be a truer honor if war could become a distant memory?

In their name, and in honor of every veteran who fought to protect the Constitution and the people behind them, I love the idea of committing to the Kickass Love of Accountability. This means looking not only outward at global budgets but also inward at the integrity of our domestic institutions. We need clarity and transparency around the increasing federalization of the National Guard and the equipping of civilian agencies like Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) as internal quasi-military forces. This blurring of the line between soldier and civil servant—between protection abroad and policing at home—undermines the very freedoms our loved ones served to protect.

Because as Chesterton wrote, to truly love what is behind us, we must ensure our government is focused on peace-building and the defense of civil liberties, not on domestic policing that dangerously blurs the line of war.

In peace,