Trying to be a good mom and reading and why opposing book bans matters.
My Worst Mom Moment
I’m working crazy hours. Taking on the extras, trying to get noticed to move ahead. Daughter is ten; Son is eight.
It’s all a fast, fast, fast multi-ball juggle of wanting to be the Best Mom Ever, but I’m in a failure spiral: I’d already totally forgotten to bring snacks for my daughter’s Girl Scout Troop (fellow mom, Robyn, bless her, pulled a package of chocolate chip cookies out of her groceries when I was a no-show). And with my son, I’d fallen into this bad pattern of pushing the cushions off the sofa so I could cuddle with him to watch a movie of his choosing, but then promptly fall asleep. It wasn’t even subtle: I snored.
But heaven help us, moms never say die, right? I’m determined to do better. Even in a small way, give the kids little extras, fun stuff, innocent joys I remember from my childhood. So, one day, while catapulting down the grocery-store aisle, efficiently tossing items into a plastic basket, I spot a favorite: Comic books! Instantly, I skid to a halt. As a kid, I treasured Archie Comics. Archie and Veronica and Betty and Jughead. The perfect kid surprise! Eagerly, I pull a few limp magazines off the shelves: “cute girls next to convertibles” for my daughter, a few "hero fights gross aliens” for my son.
The kids are thrilled! I glow; I beam. Score one for Mom!
It isn’t until a few years later that I hear how I screwed up.
That comic book I gave my son? Had a rating. It was not the kiddie version, but one meant for older kids. It contained illustrations of topless girls and way too much blood-and-guts fighting. I was horrified. Who knew there are versions of comic books?! Far from giving my son an innocent past-time, I’d accidentally exposed him to mature images I hadn’t meant to.
It gets worse.
He took it to the playground and shared it with his friends.
My Mom Pride took a nosedive. I felt duped by comic-book companies. I felt like my own standards had been sideswiped and worse that I’d betrayed my mom friends. Yes, I coulda/shoulda seen the warning label on the cover, but I didn’t.
I can smile about it now, especially with my son, but it was a Mom Fail Moment. No
question. As we laughed about it and he told me about the eye-popping images, we talked about what I didn’t like about the pictures to begin with and also what he’d thought, seeing them for the first time. I hated the idea that I’d been an unwitting partner in exposing him to content meant for older kids.
So, knowing this little scenario, it may seem odd that when it comes to having that material publicly available, I still think it has a right to be on the shelf.
Let me explain.
Right to Read
I know that parenting is not about perfection. Of course not. For one thing, “perfection” defined by who? What? Food/Shelter - yes. Love - yes.
But beyond these, whether you’re parenting your own or other kids, raising them is an evolving laboratory of figuring things out all over again as you attempt to guide and navigate these wholly separate individuals in a constantly changing world.
At the end of the day, we can’t protect them from everything they might encounter, but we can prepare them, even as little kids, to begin to think critically. To become aware of a wider world of others’ experiences beyond their own. To contrast and compare and evaluate in order to make sense of the world and their place in it.
I’m not writing anything you don’t already know. I’m making this statement to be clear that this is why I’m against banning books.
This week’s Monday, April 8, was Right to Read Day - a day of taking a stand against book banning and writing to your Congress rep. Perhaps you’ve seen the headlines? According to PEN America, book banning is on the rise: 4,240 unique book titles in schools and libraries in 2023. This is up from 2,571 in 2022, a 92% increase! Among the books most targeted are those written by women, people of color and LGBTQ+ authors.
And the kicker is that a small minority of book banners are imposing their standards on other parents by passing judgment on titles, oftentimes without ever reading the books. In a recent survey by the American Library Association, a majority of Americans are against censorship. These are bi-partisan results. A “majority of public-school parents affirm that various types of books should be available in school libraries on an age appropriate basis.”
Though the official Right to Read Day was yesterday, it’s not too late to write your Congress representative, of course. The Right to Read site has a number of easy-to-use resources.
Develop the Skill to Spot Disinformation
One final thought on these very large topics.
I believe that the reason being opposed to book banning matters is that it’s more important than ever to develop the skills to discern disinformation, or the deliberate manufacture of narratives intended to encourage distrust and polarization. The effort to remove books on so-called controversial topics is an effort to control information, which is a slippery slope to controlling others.
Controlling our kids.
Controlling you.
Controlling me.
We’re in this together, remember? Empathy enables us to walk in others’ shoes. See the worldview that developed because of another’s rich and different past and present experience. It is all a part of moving forward together and we can agree to disagree as we do it.
There’s a little part of me that mourns the loss of the Archie Comics innocence I recall. But my kids have their own memories of stories that spoke to them vividly and with wonder, like the magical Harry Potter series, which I read alongside them.
You make a difference by who you are and how you engage in the world. Books (even comic books) can help us discuss and debate our differences and still be on the same side.
No failure in that.
Warmly,
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